Leave and Cleave: Should couples be taught in premarital counseling the principle of Leave and
Cleave?  How does this concept apply to modern day couples? Does it apply to both husband and
wife? Does it mean one should support their spouse regardless of any situation? 

Gen 2:24 KJV “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his
wife: and they shall be one flesh”. Other translations render “leave and cleave” as “leave and be
united” (NIV), “leave and be joined” (NASB), and “leave and hold fast” (ESV). So, what exactly
does it mean to leave your father and mother and cleave to your spouse?

Mat 19:4-6 ASV “And he answered and said, Have ye not read, that he who made them from the
beginning made them male and female, (5) and said, For this cause shall a man leave his father
and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh? (6) So that they are
no more two, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.”

Eph 5:31 “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and
the two shall become one flesh.”

God created Adam first, then Eve. God Himself brought Eve to Adam and ordained that they
would be joined together. He said that the two would become one flesh. This illustrates marital
intimacy—the act of love that is never to involve anyone else. To “cleave” means “to adhere to,
stick to, or join with.” It is a special union of two people into one entity. It means not quitting
when things aren’t going well. It includes talking things out, praying through problems, being
patient as you trust God to work in both of your hearts, admitting when you are wrong and asking
for forgiveness, and regularly seeking God’s guidance in His Word.

If either spouse fails to both leave and cleave, problems will arise in the marriage. If spouses
don’t truly leave their parents, conflict and stress will follow. Leaving your parents doesn’t mean
ignoring them or avoiding spending time with them. It means recognizing that your marriage has
created a new family and that this new family should be a higher priority than your previous one.
If spouses neglect to cleave to each other, they will lack intimacy and unity. Cleaving doesn’t
mean being with your spouse every moment or avoiding meaningful friendships outside the
marriage. It means recognizing that you are joined—essentially “glued”—to your spouse.
Cleaving is vital for building a marriage that endures tough times and becomes the beautiful
relationship God intends. 

The “leave and cleave” principle in marriage also reflects the union God desires with us. “Ye
shall walk after the LORD your God, and fear him, and keep his commandments, and obey his
voice, and ye shall serve him, and cleave unto him” (Deut 13:4). It means leaving all other gods,
no matter what form they take, and uniting with Him alone as our God. We cleave to Him
through reading His Word and submitting to His authority. As we follow Him closely, we see that
His instruction to leave father and mother and cleave to our spouse provides commitment and
security, just as He intended. God takes His plan for marriage seriously. Leaving and cleaving are
His design for those who marry. When we follow His plan, we are never disappointed.
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