What if you forgive someone (family) but can’t forget. Is it okay to just cut them away from your
life and walk away?
What does it mean for us as human beings to forgive other human beings who offend us, sin
against us, or do us wrong? Perhaps we should first ask, what does it mean for God to forgive
us? “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you”
(Ephesians 4:32, ESV). The first step in forgiveness is for the wronged person to have a forgiving
heart. It begins with the kind of person one is. In reference to God, Psalm 86:5 tells us that He is
"forgiving" or "ready to forgive." He is willing to forgive and wants to forgive; it is His nature to
forgive. This is an aspect of the loving side of God’s nature. It is simply who He is.
That must also be our nature! As creatures made in God’s image, we are supposed to have a
loving and forgiving nature. When we become Christians, the Spirit of God begins to dwell in us
for the purpose (among other things) of restoring that forgiving spirit within us. This is
something we should consciously be working on. When we are wronged, we must be prepared
to imitate God; we must be “ready to forgive.”
When an offense actually occurs, the offended person offers to forgive the offender. This is the
case with God. Because it is His nature to forgive, He offers to forgive us sinners. This is the
point of the gospel. The gospel’s good news is that God has done everything necessary to bring
about reconciliation between Himself and sinners. Forgiveness is like a gift that God offers to
sinners. Likewise, if we have suffered wrongdoing at the hand of a fellow human being, we must
offer our forgiveness to that person. Like God, we should take the initiative in attempting to
restore the relationship of peace and harmony. It is stated in the question that this has
occurred, but the offense cannot be forgotten.
We must ask ourselves, if we have truly forgiven as God forgives us, and yet we cannot forget, is
our forgiveness as God expects us to forgive? God teaches us that it is a heart issue as
mentioned above. It is sometimes more difficult to forget than to remember. But we must learn
to forget. Can our minds actually allow us to forget? The way God has made us, with that
internal filing system we call memory, it is doubtful we can fully forget even the things we want
to forget. Our minds are simply remarkable! So, because of this fact, forgetting in a technical
manner is secondary to forgetting in the same way the Apostle Paul does in 1 Cor 13:4-5: “Love
is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous, love does not brag, and is not arrogant, does not act
unbecomingly, it does not seek its own, is not provoked, and does not take into account a wrong
suffered.” We are to put the thing behind us, never to be brought up again, no matter what
happens in the future. This is the type of forgiveness God has for His creation. It is impossible for
God to technically forget our sins, but He has told us He has put them behind the cross, never to
be brought up or talked about again. We need to act in the same way.
Often, we pray, "Forgive our sins and remember them against us no more." Yet, we too often
say "I'll forgive, but I can't forget." Forgiveness is forgetfulness so far as ceasing to hold the
person guilty of the offense, never to be laid to their charge again. There is finality about
forgiveness when forgiveness is from the heart, and only such avails before God (Mat. 18:35).
Just as God's forgiveness of our sins heals the breach between Him and us, so our forgiveness of
the sins of another against us heals the breach and strives for unity.
Yes, forgetting is difficult. It is something shared with no other person. It is a solo flight! And all
the rewards are postponed until eternity. Forgetting requires the Christian to think correctly.
Our full focus must be on the Lord and not on humanity. Release the poison of all that
bitterness, let it gush out before God. Declare your desire to be free. It is one of the major
exams we must pass in living as authentic servants. By God’s grace it can happen!
Some people can never get over a slight by someone, or a wrong done them. The penitentiary is
full of people who could not forget a real or imagined wrong, either by an individual or society
as a whole. A man once said that one of the reasons he had never become a Christian was that
he could not forgive a wrong done him. One of the first recorded statements of the Lord was:
"But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." We
had better remember that no unforgiving person can have fellowship with a forgiving God. We
must understand that God’s understanding of genuine and complete forgiveness includes
forgetting the offense. Of course, as previously mentioned our minds are so complex that we
may never be able to physically/mentally forget, but we must forget in a manner in which we
put offenses behind us, never to be brought up again. Though Paul remembered the terrible
persecutions that he had inflicted upon God's people (1 Tim. 1:12-15), he could still "forget the
things that are behind" (Phil. 3:13), in the sense that he did not allow them to hinder his
faithfulness to Christ. There was no doubt in Paul's mind whether God had forgiven him. Neither
should there be any in our minds when we conform to the conditions God has revealed in our
forgiveness to others.
Yes, there is a difference between being forgiven and forgetting. Saul of Tarsus was forgiven of
his sins when he was baptized "to wash away" his sins (Acts 22:16), but he remembered his past
sins when he wrote Timothy (1 Tim. 1:13-15). In the Old Testament we read of David being
forgiven, yet he remembered his past sins. Nathan said, "God hath put away thy sin" (2 Sam.
12:13), but years later David wrote about his past sins (Psa. 32:1-5). The Apostle Peter was
pricked in the heart by the crowing of a rooster (Lk. 22:61,62), and obviously repented of his sin.
His life afterward shows clearly that he was aware of God's forgiveness, but no doubt the sound
of a rooster crowing sent pains through his heart for a long time after that event.
The Bible records many sins that God had forgiven and did not hold against the forgiven party.
However, God did remember them. If not, how did He inspire the writers to write about them?
Did God forgive the fornicator in Corinth, after he repented? In the second epistle to the
Corinthians, Paul said, “Sufficient for such a one is this punishment which was inflicted by the
majority, so that on the contrary you should rather forgive and comfort him, lest somehow such
a one be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. ” (2 Cor. 2:6,7). This clearly implies that God had
forgiven him, and that they were to do likewise, yet God "remembered" in the sense that He
inspired Paul to write about it. There is a difference between forgiving and forgetting, yet God
teaches that both are needed to complete the forgiveness process.
“Offenses will come,” said Jesus in Luke 17:1. So this tells us that none of us are beyond the
possibility of making mistakes as we live as mortal men in a sinful world. Sometimes offenses
may not be sinful, just hurtful. In either case, there must be a willingness to forgive, and the
other half of forgiveness must of necessity also include forgetting.
Forgiveness must not include tucking things away in a neat little package until something
triggers them, then pulling out all our hostility, piece by piece. To “forgive” is that quality of life
which says, “That’s all right, it is as though it never happened, I forgive you.”
Unfortunately, not to forget following forgiveness is to hold a grudge which will lead to our
seeking revenge. Sometimes this revenge is direct or indirect, but in either situation, it is not
what God expects of our true and genuine forgiveness efforts. Both forgiveness and forgetting
must be based upon love, grace, and empathy, following the example of exactly how God
forgives us. Pray about it, the more you pray, the more you will forget, and the more your
forgiveness will be what God expects!
God does not want us to walk away from or give up on any human, simply because we cannot
seem to forget a forgiven offense, especially our family. Godly forgiveness includes forgetting.
Let us all work to the end that we may be able to sing with David, "Behold, how good and how
pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!" (Psa. 133:1).
life and walk away?
What does it mean for us as human beings to forgive other human beings who offend us, sin
against us, or do us wrong? Perhaps we should first ask, what does it mean for God to forgive
us? “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you”
(Ephesians 4:32, ESV). The first step in forgiveness is for the wronged person to have a forgiving
heart. It begins with the kind of person one is. In reference to God, Psalm 86:5 tells us that He is
"forgiving" or "ready to forgive." He is willing to forgive and wants to forgive; it is His nature to
forgive. This is an aspect of the loving side of God’s nature. It is simply who He is.
That must also be our nature! As creatures made in God’s image, we are supposed to have a
loving and forgiving nature. When we become Christians, the Spirit of God begins to dwell in us
for the purpose (among other things) of restoring that forgiving spirit within us. This is
something we should consciously be working on. When we are wronged, we must be prepared
to imitate God; we must be “ready to forgive.”
When an offense actually occurs, the offended person offers to forgive the offender. This is the
case with God. Because it is His nature to forgive, He offers to forgive us sinners. This is the
point of the gospel. The gospel’s good news is that God has done everything necessary to bring
about reconciliation between Himself and sinners. Forgiveness is like a gift that God offers to
sinners. Likewise, if we have suffered wrongdoing at the hand of a fellow human being, we must
offer our forgiveness to that person. Like God, we should take the initiative in attempting to
restore the relationship of peace and harmony. It is stated in the question that this has
occurred, but the offense cannot be forgotten.
We must ask ourselves, if we have truly forgiven as God forgives us, and yet we cannot forget, is
our forgiveness as God expects us to forgive? God teaches us that it is a heart issue as
mentioned above. It is sometimes more difficult to forget than to remember. But we must learn
to forget. Can our minds actually allow us to forget? The way God has made us, with that
internal filing system we call memory, it is doubtful we can fully forget even the things we want
to forget. Our minds are simply remarkable! So, because of this fact, forgetting in a technical
manner is secondary to forgetting in the same way the Apostle Paul does in 1 Cor 13:4-5: “Love
is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous, love does not brag, and is not arrogant, does not act
unbecomingly, it does not seek its own, is not provoked, and does not take into account a wrong
suffered.” We are to put the thing behind us, never to be brought up again, no matter what
happens in the future. This is the type of forgiveness God has for His creation. It is impossible for
God to technically forget our sins, but He has told us He has put them behind the cross, never to
be brought up or talked about again. We need to act in the same way.
Often, we pray, "Forgive our sins and remember them against us no more." Yet, we too often
say "I'll forgive, but I can't forget." Forgiveness is forgetfulness so far as ceasing to hold the
person guilty of the offense, never to be laid to their charge again. There is finality about
forgiveness when forgiveness is from the heart, and only such avails before God (Mat. 18:35).
Just as God's forgiveness of our sins heals the breach between Him and us, so our forgiveness of
the sins of another against us heals the breach and strives for unity.
Yes, forgetting is difficult. It is something shared with no other person. It is a solo flight! And all
the rewards are postponed until eternity. Forgetting requires the Christian to think correctly.
Our full focus must be on the Lord and not on humanity. Release the poison of all that
bitterness, let it gush out before God. Declare your desire to be free. It is one of the major
exams we must pass in living as authentic servants. By God’s grace it can happen!
Some people can never get over a slight by someone, or a wrong done them. The penitentiary is
full of people who could not forget a real or imagined wrong, either by an individual or society
as a whole. A man once said that one of the reasons he had never become a Christian was that
he could not forgive a wrong done him. One of the first recorded statements of the Lord was:
"But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." We
had better remember that no unforgiving person can have fellowship with a forgiving God. We
must understand that God’s understanding of genuine and complete forgiveness includes
forgetting the offense. Of course, as previously mentioned our minds are so complex that we
may never be able to physically/mentally forget, but we must forget in a manner in which we
put offenses behind us, never to be brought up again. Though Paul remembered the terrible
persecutions that he had inflicted upon God's people (1 Tim. 1:12-15), he could still "forget the
things that are behind" (Phil. 3:13), in the sense that he did not allow them to hinder his
faithfulness to Christ. There was no doubt in Paul's mind whether God had forgiven him. Neither
should there be any in our minds when we conform to the conditions God has revealed in our
forgiveness to others.
Yes, there is a difference between being forgiven and forgetting. Saul of Tarsus was forgiven of
his sins when he was baptized "to wash away" his sins (Acts 22:16), but he remembered his past
sins when he wrote Timothy (1 Tim. 1:13-15). In the Old Testament we read of David being
forgiven, yet he remembered his past sins. Nathan said, "God hath put away thy sin" (2 Sam.
12:13), but years later David wrote about his past sins (Psa. 32:1-5). The Apostle Peter was
pricked in the heart by the crowing of a rooster (Lk. 22:61,62), and obviously repented of his sin.
His life afterward shows clearly that he was aware of God's forgiveness, but no doubt the sound
of a rooster crowing sent pains through his heart for a long time after that event.
The Bible records many sins that God had forgiven and did not hold against the forgiven party.
However, God did remember them. If not, how did He inspire the writers to write about them?
Did God forgive the fornicator in Corinth, after he repented? In the second epistle to the
Corinthians, Paul said, “Sufficient for such a one is this punishment which was inflicted by the
majority, so that on the contrary you should rather forgive and comfort him, lest somehow such
a one be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. ” (2 Cor. 2:6,7). This clearly implies that God had
forgiven him, and that they were to do likewise, yet God "remembered" in the sense that He
inspired Paul to write about it. There is a difference between forgiving and forgetting, yet God
teaches that both are needed to complete the forgiveness process.
“Offenses will come,” said Jesus in Luke 17:1. So this tells us that none of us are beyond the
possibility of making mistakes as we live as mortal men in a sinful world. Sometimes offenses
may not be sinful, just hurtful. In either case, there must be a willingness to forgive, and the
other half of forgiveness must of necessity also include forgetting.
Forgiveness must not include tucking things away in a neat little package until something
triggers them, then pulling out all our hostility, piece by piece. To “forgive” is that quality of life
which says, “That’s all right, it is as though it never happened, I forgive you.”
Unfortunately, not to forget following forgiveness is to hold a grudge which will lead to our
seeking revenge. Sometimes this revenge is direct or indirect, but in either situation, it is not
what God expects of our true and genuine forgiveness efforts. Both forgiveness and forgetting
must be based upon love, grace, and empathy, following the example of exactly how God
forgives us. Pray about it, the more you pray, the more you will forget, and the more your
forgiveness will be what God expects!
God does not want us to walk away from or give up on any human, simply because we cannot
seem to forget a forgiven offense, especially our family. Godly forgiveness includes forgetting.
Let us all work to the end that we may be able to sing with David, "Behold, how good and how
pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!" (Psa. 133:1).
